


No Time Like the Present

by buzzbuzz34



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Love Confessions, M/M, References to bodyswapping, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:07:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26411617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buzzbuzz34/pseuds/buzzbuzz34
Summary: After Zolf tugged Wilde's face down right next to his in plain view of the Vengeance's crew, Cel has decided it's time for the two of them to stop with this will-they-won't-they nonsense and finally kiss.  And if that means locking the two people who can still pilot the airship in a box until they sort themselves out, so be it.
Relationships: Zolf Smith/Oscar Wilde
Comments: 12
Kudos: 75





	No Time Like the Present

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for rqg episode 169 (nice)

Once his meeting with Earhart concluded, Zolf retook the helm, relieving Wilde of his impromptu post, and it wasn’t long before Cel sidled up to him. They didn’t say anything at first, simply standing next to him, before he sighed. 

“What’s going on, Cel?”

“Well, Mr. Smith, that is an _excellent_ question.”

“Do you know how to get people back into their own bodies?”

Cel paused. “That is _another_ excellent question, but, uh… no. We still have no idea. But! That’s not what I’m here about.”

“Okay? What are you here about, then?” Zolf asked, looking away from the empty sky in front of them to give Cel a curious glance. 

Clasping their hands together, Cel composed themselves, then said, “So… all those times I asked if you and Wilde were _together_ , and you told me that you _weren’t_ … that was just some elaborate scheme, right? Proof that you actually do have a sense of humor underneath all that grumpiness?”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying,” Zolf snapped, harsher than intended. “Wilde and I are coworkers, colleagues, that’s it.”

“And you pulling on his collar until his face was right up next to yours and making that little comment about him cheering up was… a performance revue?”

Zolf shrugged. “We’ve always picked on each other. It’s just… less antagonistic than it used to be. But I like to keep him on his toes, mess with him, make him a bit flustered; and, honestly, it _is_ nice to see him cheered up. He’s been… well, we’ve all been having a time of it.”

“Uh huh…”

“Listen, you don’t have to believe me. We’re friends. I care about him, but… the mission is more important. We don’t have time for romance or things like that.”

“With all due respect, Mr. Smith,” Cel replied, “we all could’ve died in that magic storm, and there’s no telling what we’ll find when we land. I would say that actually there’s no time like the present.”

Despite his continued insistence that he and Wilde remain platonic colleagues, Zolf let out a heavy breath, then focused on steering the Vengeance. “And with all due respect to you, Cel, I think our priority should be on getting everybody back into their right bodies, not playing matchmaker.”

“Now, here’s the thing: I am an expert multitasker.”

*

Enjoying the shenanigans and chaos caused by the rest of the crew being body-swapped, Wilde watched as Hamid and Azu attempted to corral their companions, intervening occasionally, but mostly just taking in the show. Cel extracted themselves from the mayhem to step over to him and lean against the wall beside him.

“So. Zolf, huh?”

“What about him?”

Cel shook their head. “Okay, that’s not quite right. More like, you _and_ Zolf, huh?”

“What are you talking about?” He raised an eyebrow and spoke flatly. 

“He keeps telling me that you two aren’t a thing and yet, _and yet_ , every time I see you interact there is so much evidence to the contrary. You make marriage jokes! He practically kisses you in the middle of the deck!”

Wilde shook his hand as if to bat the speculation away. “Oh, please. I make jokes with everyone.”

“Yeah but not like you do with him.”

“Do you have a point?”

“That you two need to stop this weird pining, denial thing, and get together already!” Cel cried. “Your blush when he tugged you down to his height? I have seen some explosions in my day, and your blush was brighter than all of them combined.”

Instead of replying, Wilde moved a hand to his cheek and brushed it absentmindedly, as if silently reprimanding it for giving away any indication of his feelings. 

“I’m just saying,” Cel continued, quieter now, “that you two obviously care about each other. And not just in a work-friend type way. If the world is ending, you’ve only got so long to make things happen, to finally fess up. That way, if we save everybody, you have a loving boyfriend waiting for you on the other side to enjoy the new peace; if we don’t, well, at least you don’t have any regrets about that.”

Wilde paused for a moment, and then sighed. “I already have plenty of regrets. A few more won’t hurt.”

*

“Zolf, come quick!” 

Instantly, he threw himself out of his bunk to follow Cel, not even taking the time to carefully set aside the Harrison Campbell novel he’d been reading.

Together, they raced to the room once used as a magical Faraday cage, where Cel came to a halt in front of a very confused Wilde. 

“Wait, what’s going on? Who’s steering the ship?” Zolf cried. He started to run to the door, but Cel was before him in a flash, pulling it shut behind them so that Zolf and Wilde were trapped together. “Cel, open the door. One of us needs to be at the helm. I thought Wilde was up there! I was on break!”

“I _was_ up there,” Wilde replied. His arms were crossed and his foot tapped angrily. “Then Cel told me you would relieve me, and that they needed my help immediately.”

“Earhart can handle things for a few minutes,” Cel said, peeking through the bars. “Even as a kobold, she still knows what she’s doing.”

“Okay, great. What are _we_ doing in here?”

“Talking. Sorting out your nonsense,” Cel explained. Zolf and Wilde glanced at each other briefly, then looked back to Cel when they continued, “Imagine there were no time constraints, no world-ending catastrophe going on. I don’t care if you actively decide to have only a platonic relationship, that’s fine, but this tension wobbling between friends and romance – everybody sees it! Hamid is chanting “kiss kiss kiss” behind your backs because it’s _that_ obvious. So, I’m not letting you out until you talk about your feelings for each other and decide where you stand.”

“Listen, Cel, that’s all well and good, but the _ship_ …” Zolf exclaimed. 

“Talk it over, or I’ll release Kobold Carter, and then no one will be safe,” Cel threatened, then smiled and headed on their way. “I’ll be back in a few minutes. Have fun!”

Their footsteps receded down the hall, and eventually Zolf and Wilde spun to face each other. 

“Did they talk you into this?” Wilde asked. 

“Into what? Locking the two people who can pilot this damn airship into a room while everybody else is running around in different bodies? No, oddly enough, this wasn’t my plan.”

Wilde let out a single, breathy chuckle. “It is pretty funny though, in a way.”

“How is this funny!?” Zolf yelled, and then Wilde couldn’t help but grin. “What are you laughing at? This is a disaster!” 

Despite his panic and concern for all of their safety, Zolf couldn’t stay angry for too long as Wilde began to laugh, a proper laugh that hadn’t seen enough use recently. Between Zolf shouting and stomping his foot, and getting tricked into an impromptu jail, Wilde couldn’t keep it all together, and the giggles came pouring out. 

Zolf chuckled as well, beaming at Wilde. “You know…” Zolf remarked quietly once their laughter subsided. “It really is nice to see you cheered up.”

“It feels good,” Wilde replied. “Obviously not everything is fixed or better, but…”

He took a seat on one of the benches while Zolf still stood at the door. Zolf knew he didn’t have the skill to open it, with a myriad of technological and magical locks keeping it shut, but that didn’t stop his stubbornness from looking it over anyway. 

“You know, Cel isn’t going to let us out until we talk about our ‘feelings,’” Wilde said. He patted a space on the bench beside him. 

With a heavy sigh, Zolf slumped over and sat down. “I don’t know what there is to talk about.”

“Me neither.”

They sat in silence for several minutes, each wringing their hands and opening their mouths to speak on multiple occasions, only to fall quiet once again. 

Finally, Zolf was the first to give out. 

“You’re insufferable, you know that?”

“Hm?” Wilde turned his head toward him. “I mean, yes, of course, but what did I do this time?”

“Just… all of you!” Zolf cried, still staring into the emptiness of the cell. “You have always been an ass but… you’re a good man. You’re clever and witty and smart and absolutely infuriating in every way.”

“A ringing endorsement,” Wilde joked, and Zolf spun to face him. 

“This is what I mean! I’m actually going to do the whole emotions thing, and you’re making quips!”

“Would you like me to stop until you’ve finished?” Wilde offered. His smirk was replaced by a sincerity that shone in his eyes. 

Zolf breathed, “No. No, not at all.” With another heavy sigh, Zolf’s body relaxed, and he settled back into his seat, head against the wall as he stared at the ceiling. “Obviously, the world sucks. But… working with you, getting to know you as more than some pompous jerk… I wouldn’t trade any of that.”

Wilde’s eyes darted over Zolf, and he smiled. “Me neither.” Slowly, cautiously, he reached out his hand to set it gently over Zolf’s. 

With a jolt, Zolf instinctively started to pull away, as he hadn’t expected the contact, then he flipped his hand over so that they could hold onto each other. It was still a long while before they looked at each other, focusing only on how their fingers fit together, until their eyes eventually met. 

“This is a terrible idea given the state of things,” Wilde said matter-of-factly.

“It is. There’s no place for this when the world is falling apart.” 

Even if their words were true, their hearts had different plans. 

“Can I kiss you?” Zolf asked, and Wilde smirked again. 

“I’ve only been hoping you would for about a year.”

Zolf chuckled, then leaned in to kiss Oscar, tugging on his collar more gently than he had before in the middle of the deck. Their first kiss was slow and careful, their minds trying to process all of their feelings before they gave up thinking about timing and consequences, and instead thought only of the sensation of the other’s lips on their own. 

“Absolutely insufferable,” Zolf murmured, his lips brushing against Oscar’s as he spoke, and they both smiled wide before kissing again.

“As if you’re one to talk,” he replied several kisses later. “I may be insufferable, but you’re more stubborn than anyone else I’ve ever met.” He gave Zolf a quick kiss. “It’s wonderful. Infuriating, but also wonderful.”

With half a chuckle and half a sigh, Zolf shook his head. “This is great, and, though I will never admit it to them, I _am_ glad Cel put this trap together, but we really do need to get out of here before the ship crashes.”

“Good point. We can continue this later.”

Zolf started toward the door, then turned back and kissed Wilde again, cradling his face as Oscar’s hands laced around his waist and pulled him in tight, ignoring the risk for a few more blissful moments. 

“Definitely.” 

Then, Zolf extracted himself from Oscar’s grip, where he could have stayed forever, to bang against the door. 

“Alright, Cel, we’ve done the emotional nonsense, can you let us out now so we don’t all fall out of the sky?”

Footsteps trotted closer and Cel peeked in through the gap. 

“You two sorted yourself out?”

“Right as rain,” Wilde said, moving to take his place beside Zolf. 

When Cel glanced at them skeptically, Wilde put a hand on Zolf’s shoulder, and their eyes widened. 

“Aww, I knew you two could make it work!”

“This is all well and good, but _please_ , Cel. The ship?”

“Oh, yeah, good point.” 

They unlocked the door and Zolf burst past them to race up the stairs and relieve whoever had taken over steering the Vengeance while he and Wilde were otherwise indisposed. 

“So, it worked?” Cel asked Wilde as they made their way above decks at a much more relaxed pace. When Wilde nodded and smiled to himself, Cel grinned. “That was a good idea you had. Maybe I should lock people in boxes more often when I need to have an important conversation.”

“It’s a very useful method,” Wilde replied. “I’m just glad he wasn’t _so_ stubborn that Kobold Carter had to be released.”

“About that… he got out. We don’t know where he is.”

“ _What!?_ ”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed!! This last episode has given me several more zoscar ideas and has spurred me to get started on my 'married for tax reasons' au so keep an eye out for more shenanigans!!
> 
> If you want to learn about my original characters and find more of my writing, mostly short ficlets that don't make it to AO3, head on over to kellanswritingblog.tumblr.com, or feel free to check out my personal, celsidebottom.tumblr.com <3


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